Exhemmmm *Clearing my throat*Okay, i think i should start to share about how i feel. I would like to start with me, i, and myself first. I've been very busy with my school activities, events, exam, studies, and the list goes on. I don't even have a time to just sit down quietly to watch movie with my family, don't even have a time to switch on the computer to chat with my friends and even check mail, don't even have a time to accompany my mom for shopping, don't even have a time to talk to my family, the worst is i don't even have a quiet time to talk to GOD and so and so on....
What am i on earth treating myself like this? Am i abusing myself with the 'BUSYness' or i don't have a proper time management? I think i need counselling.
Second, I've been separated with my friends for 5 months. Everything seems to be different. I used to be a joyful, cheerful, funny, happy, light hearted, friendly, high self-esteem, crazy like monkey jumping around, and of course noisy girl. But now... Many of my friends and family realize that I've changed A LOT. I'm quiet now, moody, self-effacing, bad-tempered(maybe) and even don't have patience to do a simple thing. That is what i get from my friends and family. I've tried very hard to revive myself to be more active, happy, build up myself again but i failed. I'm afraid to/share my feelings to my mom. I don't know why. It just.. I feel something is pulling my away from my friends and family. I feel that I'm alone (always) although i know that i'm not. Should i take a break or a vacation to release and to search for myself again? *sigh*
Next, sometimes i don't know what i've done or doing. I don't have a childhood ' joyful life' when i was young. Our life is like a '4 seasons' journey but mine is like not even. Too long for winter. Why do people think that being the only child is good? Being the only child not always and necessary get what you request for. Being the only child will feel 'lonely'-this is the best word to express. 'Alone in a crowd' this is one of my church camp theme and also the first camp that i attend. I was alone all the while in the camp.
But sometimes i do feel secure at church. I feels like that's the best place for me but church is a public place. I can't owned it as myself. Ahh... one more thing, i wanna give thanks to those friends that greeted me for my sweet 16. They are my mom, my dad, my family, Alesa, Miss Lydia, Elaine, Jarred, Edmund Hiew, Lynnett, Ian Michael, Ameline, Kok Yan, Wai Loon, Ling Li, En.Zahan, Woei Hong, Caryan, Jiun Chang, Syuhada, Hwei Hoe, Madam Jeya, Ann Sin, Alvin, Nan Tyan, Sara-Sam's sister, Tian Sheng-my ah gor, Titus, Kean Wah, Suk Koon, Kai Ma, Amanda, Wai Sin, Yeen Hong, Jia Huei, Marcus, Chung Yean, Siew Yen, Simon, Su May, Eu Gene, Rachel, Yi Lin, Joseph Lam, Joseph Tan, Samantha, all my classmates 4S2 (all of them sang a birthday song for me when i stepped in the class) i will never forget about it, Prefect Board, Pastor John, Alvin Kok, Kelvin Kok, Aunty Grace, Chee Wai, Jun Wu and so and so on..... I really appreciate it very very much... My sweet 16 really sweet. Thank God that it is not a bitter 16. My wishes came true. I wished for Happiness, An Umbrella ( i know this sounds weird but i really need it as it rains these few days) and also camp... 3 of my wishes came true.
I think that's all i wanna share about my feeling...
OUT of THE Abundance OF THE HEART the mouth speaks...
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