Searching for myself in a deep sea...

Exhemmmm *Clearing my throat*

Okay, i think i should start to share about how i feel. I would like to start with me, i, and myself first. I've been very busy with my school activities, events, exam, studies, and the list goes on. I don't even have a time to just sit down quietly to watch movie with my family, don't even have a time to switch on the computer to chat with my friends and even check mail, don't even have a time to accompany my mom for shopping, don't even have a time to talk to my family, the worst is i don't even have a quiet time to talk to GOD and so and so on....

What am i on earth treating myself like this? Am i abusing myself with the 'BUSYness' or i don't have a proper time management? I think i need counselling.

Second, I've been separated with my friends for 5 months. Everything seems to be different. I used to be a joyful, cheerful, funny, happy, light hearted, friendly, high self-esteem, crazy like monkey jumping around, and of course noisy girl. But now... Many of my friends and family realize that I've changed A LOT. I'm quiet now, moody, self-effacing, bad-tempered(maybe) and even don't have patience to do a simple thing. That is what i get from my friends and family. I've tried very hard to revive myself to be more active, happy, build up myself again but i failed. I'm afraid to/share my feelings to my mom. I don't know why. It just.. I feel something is pulling my away from my friends and family. I feel that I'm alone (always) although i know that i'm not. Should i take a break or a vacation to release and to search for myself again? *sigh*

Next, sometimes i don't know what i've done or doing. I don't have a childhood ' joyful life' when i was young. Our life is like a '4 seasons' journey but mine is like not even. Too long for winter. Why do people think that being the only child is good? Being the only child not always and necessary get what you request for. Being the only child will feel 'lonely'-this is the best word to express. 'Alone in a crowd' this is one of my church camp theme and also the first camp that i attend. I was alone all the while in the camp.

But sometimes i do feel secure at church. I feels like that's the best place for me but church is a public place. I can't owned it as myself. Ahh... one more thing, i wanna give thanks to those friends that greeted me for my sweet 16. They are my mom, my dad, my family, Alesa, Miss Lydia, Elaine, Jarred, Edmund Hiew, Lynnett, Ian Michael, Ameline, Kok Yan, Wai Loon, Ling Li, En.Zahan, Woei Hong, Caryan, Jiun Chang, Syuhada, Hwei Hoe, Madam Jeya, Ann Sin, Alvin, Nan Tyan, Sara-Sam's sister, Tian Sheng-my ah gor, Titus, Kean Wah, Suk Koon, Kai Ma, Amanda, Wai Sin, Yeen Hong, Jia Huei, Marcus, Chung Yean, Siew Yen, Simon, Su May, Eu Gene, Rachel, Yi Lin, Joseph Lam, Joseph Tan, Samantha, all my classmates 4S2 (all of them sang a birthday song for me when i stepped in the class) i will never forget about it, Prefect Board, Pastor John, Alvin Kok, Kelvin Kok, Aunty Grace, Chee Wai, Jun Wu and so and so on..... I really appreciate it very very much... My sweet 16 really sweet. Thank God that it is not a bitter 16. My wishes came true. I wished for Happiness, An Umbrella ( i know this sounds weird but i really need it as it rains these few days) and also camp... 3 of my wishes came true.

I think that's all i wanna share about my feeling...

OUT of THE Abundance OF THE HEART the mouth speaks...

To Be Continued....

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand ans led him to the fence.

He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there'. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. they make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.'

Please forgive me if i have ever left a hole in you heart...

Hug...

Hug your friends, your enemies, everyone!

A hug is my favorite sign of afIt can mean so much, and many things at the same time.

It can be a sign of love, friendship, support, caring, comfort or anything.

So here you go.

All I can say it will do is brighten someone's day.

I mean, we all need a hug once in a while.

Friendly Coffin

INTERESTING ARTICLE I READ ABOUT 'HE ENVIRONMENT - FRIENDLY COFFIN'. (Tokyo, Japan)

You might be dedicated to recycling and using altrernative energy and in every respect lead a blameless, eco-friendly life - but did you know your death is capable of generating about 300kg of CO2? That's assuming you get cremated, which is the popular thing to do. Just as unsound is the fact that your coffin could well be made of plywood from illegally logged trees, according to Yukihiro Masuda, project manager of Tri-Wall KK, a Tokyo based packaging-materials company. His team has therefore come up with a green alternative - a coffin made from strong, three-layered cardboard produced from sustainable trees and held together with natural, starch-based glue. The 15kg coffin has the look and feel of its wooden counerpart, supports a 200kg body and requires half the energy for combustin compared to an ordinary coffin, resulting in just a thirdof the hazardous gas emissions. For each coffin purchased, Tri-Wall KK plants 10 trees in a national reserve in Mongolia. Masuda calculates that in 20 years those trees will have absorbed about 60% of the CO2 from a typical funeral.

Not all Japanese are taken with a cardboard coffin. Midori Kotani of the Daiichi Life Research Institute says that people 'will most likely go for [traditional wood coffins] over papermade.' Still, Tri-Wall KK's sales 2000 green coffins were shipped in 2007 - are slowly increasing. 'We receive calls from environmentally conscious people who say they'd like one for themselves,' Masuda says. "It has become a lifestyle choice." In society where 99.8% of the dead are cremated, there is plenty of room for growth, at any rate. - reported by Yuki Oda

10 Checklist...

How Do I Know If I Am Ready To Date?

1. Studies ok! *It's a must*
2. Permission
3. Curfew
4. Responsible
5. Finance *You will not wish to see your lover worried about your financial problem*
6. Physical boundaries
7. Self-control
8. Accountability
9. What is your focus? Partner or God?
10. Ready for marriage?

14th of April

Yeah!!! It's a holiday... Although it's a holiday but i'm not in a holiday mood. Tonnes of homework lying a my study table waiting for me to fill up the blanks. I woke up at 8.30am without using the alarm clock. Good... Mum is not around, thought of switching on the computer BUT i can't do it. I've promised myself that i have to finish up all my homework before i switch on the 'square box'. But i couldn't control myself, my mind had controlled me. my aunt switched on the computer early in the morning. After she went out, i started to online. At first, i wanted to just check mail but now.... I'm writing blog. Oh NO! What am i on earth is doing now? It's okay. This will be my last time to write blog before finished up my homework. i MEAN it!!!





Last Thursday, i went to Cochrane Perkasa as an observant for debate. I met a lot of ex-primary schoolmates like: Sim yee ling - she's the first one that called me when she saw me, then i saw jia huei's ex-classmates, Su Ting, Ah Mong, Wai Kit, Sam and aiyo! The other one i forgotten what's their name. sorry ya guys.... Saw Daniel Mak there, me and Samantha keeps waving at him. But didn't notice us. Both of us waving like 'soh poh', we thought we see the wrong guy who looks like Daniel Mak because that guy we waved at is much taller, thinner and better looking. Could he be Daniel Mak? Then we bumped into him in the canteen. WOW! He is so good looking now, he looks different the last time i saw him. Me and Samantha walked around in that school. The school is very clean but not as cosy as my school, SMK Datok Lokman. I can hardly see a tree or a plant in their school. *Phew*



Their school toilet is big but kind of dirty. muahaha... or maybe is the colour of paiting and also the colour of the tiles. Oh No... Why am i talking about toilet. Cis! Next topic...



The debate was really cool... I love the way they debate. My school vs SMK Taman Connaught. We were the government and we lost. sigh.... The debate ends at around 1 o'clock. It was raining. I'm stuck in the school so i called my mom to pick me up after work. I stayed back to teach 'fan dance' for Anugerah Cemerlang event. It's my first time teaching and first time choreographing a tradisional dance. Kinda tough, thanks for my mom's helping. She did gave me a lot of ideas. Thank you very much Mi.. Love you... You're the best mom that i ever had. Errr.... For your info, i have only one mom and she's my mom!



Friday is the rehearsal... and the dancers still not sure with their steps. Makes me worry... *Faint* I received a lot of compliments about the dance. Thank you girls for performing so well. You guys did a very goood job. Keep it up.... Last but not least, i wanna thank God that he gave me this gift. Love you GOD! muakss...

02.04.2008

This is what is it in Kuala Lumpur on 2nd of April. Scary uh? But don't you think this is cool? haha...